Whose World? What Cup? (Day 25)

This is the last day of the 2010 World Cup. Lots has been said about how neither of the two teams, the Dutch and the Spanish, have contested this final fixture before. For me, I think the interesting thing is that this is the first time we've seen two monarchies contend on the field of battle for a very long time, and certainly, the first time at the World Cup.

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At the end of a nervy first half in which Mark van Bommel was lucky not to already be off, the score is 0-0. Arjen van Robben has been his usual threatening but sometimes lazy self on the right, and the Dutch have somehow contrived to look both awful and yet dangerous. Spain always look good in possession, but being tackled painfully a few times seems to have slowed them down a bit. Not a nice half at all. Rather ungentlemanly in spots. Perhaps the main talking point was a Dutch attempt to return the ball to the Spanish, almost ending up as an accidental goal!

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Amd here we are at the end of extra time, and Spain have won 1-0 thanks to a neatly taken goal by Andres Iniesta. I'm glad my pre-Cup prediction came true, although I am astonished by how few goals Spain scored to make it come true — only 8 goals!

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 24)

And here we come to the dark alleyway of the 2010 World Cup. No, it's not one of the early spin-off side-dramas of those who fell by the wayside; it's the late, slack, near-forgotten drama of who gets to come in third place — whether the cheating Uruguayans or escheating Germans.

So here I am, waiting for this non-show. But I dearly want to see the Germans beat up the Uruguayans, metaphorically speaking. I am so unregenerate at times. Sigh.

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When Thomas Müller nudged the ball gently into the net, I had high hopes. There has been a lot of ebb and flow since then, and Edison Cavani has equalized. I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't that Suarez fellow. 1-1 at half-time, then.

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At full time, the score is 3-2 to Germany. They didn't play as well as Uruguay most of the time, but they played much better some of the time — especially when it counted. I felt a little sorry for Diego Forlan; he hit the crossbar with the last strike of the game. Too bad.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 23)

Tonight the team I support, Spain, meets the team I wished I supported, Germany. Either way, it's an invitation to heartbreak. I can only hope it turns out to be an interesting one and not one of those penalty-kick farces after a 0-0 scoreline after extra time.

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Well, that first half was mostly like watching two sponges try to waterboard each other. Spain was more self-possessed, I suppose. Germany was just... dispossessed?

I think that the Spaniards looked less dangerous than usual when it came to finishing. Their possession made them seem more dangerous; after all, if you don't have the ball, you can't score and you can't win.

By the end of the half, I felt as if I were watching a particularly dangerous fractional distillation in which the temperature was being raised by about a tenth of a degree every minute.

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And in the 73rd minute, it's Puyol who scores, from a scarce-contested header. About par for the course so far.

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Haha, I've been telling people I support Spain, with a rather pained and apologetic look. No more. They're through and into the Final! 1-0! Viva España! Vivat Hispania!

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 22)

So it has come down to the Netherlands meeting Uruguay in the first semi-final of the 2010 World Cup. It is like watching a polished and wary assassin fighting for his life against a skilled street fighter who will do anything to win. The do-or-die heroism implicit in both can turn ugly—for both.

I have an instinctive preference for the Oranje tonight. They've cheated less. I wonder if Robben's hoods will leave Diego forlorn.

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And in the 17th minute, Giovanni von Bronckhorst, of ALL people, scores a long-range strike a la David Villa. 1-0 to the Orangemen!

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In the 40th minute, Diego Forlan, surely in the form of his life, equalises with a long-range up-the-middle shot. Stekelenburg is caught flat-footed by the power and slight rightward curve on the shot. 1-1, and this is shaping up into a tight fight...

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At half-time, I still think Uruguay are marginally dirtier and more reckless. But they're dangerous. They are, after all, the last South American team from a federation in which the lowest-ranked team (Peru, I think) is about #55 worldwide.

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A lot of weaving and ducking, with Forlan firing on all cylinders. But it's Wesley Sneijder who pulls the trigger in the 69th minute, after a wave of dangerous Oranje attacks. 2-1 to the Dutch, and perhaps more to come, at this rate.

Ha, I had just typed the previous line when Robben made it 3-1. Looks like the assassin beats the street-fighter tonight...

Maxi makes it 3-2, but the Dutch are through! Maybe it will be Dutch vs Deutsch. Heh.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 21)

It was a day which some punningly-minded might call 'Angela's Miracle' after the dumpy German leader who supported her team so actively. The German team, cohesive and deliberately lacking in individual personalities, trounced Diego Maradona's selection 4-0 within 90 minutes.

You will note a complete lack of elaboration, as compared to my notes of the previous match. I spent the entire time taking in the sight of an exciting (yes, indeed) German team demolish a team that tried very hard and ended up doing very little. When Germany beat England 4-1, there were a few isolated cries of how the England defeat might be explained away by a referee's bad call. Tonight, it was clear that die Mannschaft were a far superior outfit to the Albiceleste.

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Now, I head off, suitably fortified by hot blackcurrant tea and supper, to watch Spain play Paraguay. I am more certain that Spain will win than I was that Germany would manage to get rid of the Argentines. I might be wrong, and that thought makes me grin.

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Before the World Cup started, I was rooting for Spain to finally throw off the mantle of chronic underachievement and at least end up in the grand final. After 45 minutes tonight, I don't see them as much better than a rather uncreative Paraguay side. Both teams have been exchanging a lack of possession. The passing stinks and they can't hang on to the ball.

Based on this game so far, the winner will meet Germany in the next round and get killed 4-0. I just can't see Germany not taking advantage of the generosity of these two teams of clowns.

Spain, in particular, is still playing a certain Fernando Torres up front who looks like a particularly pained ghost. He's useless, and has been useless so far throughout the entire World Cup. Unpicking the Paraguayan defence requires accurate passing and more creativity. Perhaps they should have started with Cesc Fabregas and Fernando Llorente instead.

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Now I really have seen it all. From trading lack-of-possession, the two teams have gone on to the sublime heights of trading lack-of-penalties.

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Well, Spain are through. I'm happy for them, but not happy with them. They'll never get past Germany at this rate, and I'm not sure I'd want them to. 1-0 to David Villa!

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 20a)

Ghana v Uruguay. A lot like Japan v Paraguay. Industrious non-South American non-European side meets South American side. Penalties decide in favour of the South American side, who didn't really deserve to win.

But it's just like the little pigs fairy-tale: no matter how hard you huff and puff, it doesn't matter unless you can blow the house down. And neither Japan nor Ghana were able to.

I feel bad for Ghana. But hey, if your star striker is presented with a penalty in the last minute of extra time, and he MISSES, well, you don't deserve to win either. And for the neutrals, at least the buccaneering Diego Forlan is still around for the next round, the one classy bit in Uruguay, apart from his co-conspirator Suarez.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 20)

Does so much come down to this? The distillation of two groups, the heart and sinew of the game, the Orange play the... Blue? Brazil in unfamiliar colours. The Dutch were unbeaten; the Brazilians likewise. And now, at half time, we have Brazil up by one.

Michel Bastos enacts bastardy and is not sent off for a second yellow card. But justice is done from a lovely kick from Sneijder that sends the ball into the Brazilian net via some deflections. It is 1-1. I am happy. Bastardly deeds should not go unpunished.

Some people at this point might quibble and say, "Surely you meant 'dastardly'?" No no no, I meant 'bastardly'. It was a very low and illegitimate act to tackle an opponent like that and not get a second yellow card. I hope Bastos gets bastinadoed, figuratively speaking.

I sit back, sip my coffee, and watch on.

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At 67 minutes, Sneijder takes on the Lords of Karma and cashes a chip. Or rather, converts it to a goal in post-Kuytal activity. 2-1 to the Netherlands! Double, Dutch! Haha!

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At 73 minutes, Felipe Melo gets red-carded for a terrible stamp on Robben. I am happy with that too. Good football needs nothing of that sort.

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At 84 minutes, I see wizardry from Kaka; it is not born of inspiration, but desperation. And it is ultimately fruitless.

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This is fascinating. Will the Orange peel? Or will the Nuts crack? A few minutes remain... three extra ones to be precise.

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YES the Dutch have won!!!!!!!!!!!! I am more than happy now.

My headline would read, "ORANGE PIPS BRAZIL NUTS".

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 19a)

I have been waiting for this rematch since 7 June 1494. Actually, apart from obscure Asian historians, who had cause to worry about its provisions, and the Argentines, who once invoked it in the little matter of Los Malvinas (also known as the Falklands), not many others in recent centuries have thought of the great old treaty signed on that day.

For on 7 June 1494, slightly more than 516 years ago, Spain and Portugal divided the world between them. And tonight, in a very different way, they will battle for supremacy, with only one winner between them.

But apart from tonight's fracas and the linguistic legacy (mostly) of South America, let's face it: Portugal is no longer a world power of any sort. We might think of East Timor, Macao, and even if we were exceptionally historical in our literacy, Goa and Melaka — but hey, Portugal, not one of the great powers any more. And yet, the Portuguese did have an empire once.

I'm rooting for Spain, the more enduring imperial power of the two, tonight. But not because of political reasons — rather, I can't stand that talented but irritating Cristiano Ronaldo; I much prefer the many talents of Spain.

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To be honest, the Spain that I admire seems a lot less creative than Brazil, a lot less skilled than Argentina, a lot less coherent than Germany. They're not unpicking Portugal and have come very close to being completely undone by them. At half-time, the score is 0-0; while it's been a lot more exciting than the previous match, it's not been more productive.

I think I am about to join in the usual malaise of Spain-supporters: a kind of exuberant disappointment.

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It ended when David Villa scored (yet again) to make it 1-0. Then it petered out into the usual disinterested pottering around. The new striker Fernando Llorente looked distinctly bored but, trying hard to pretend that he was involved, could have scored twice more.

And so Spain remain, promising more joy, and possibly, more disappointment.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 19)

Japan in blue play Paraguay in red and white. It's just one of those days at the office, so to speak. 20 minutes into the game, the Japanese are still defending as a unit, attacking as a unit, and doing those well-trained longshot things.

I don't know why I'm watching this one when I might need the sleep to prepare myself for Spain v Portugal later. But still, whichever team wins this one, it will be their first time in the quarter-finals. Some sort of historical moment.

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Note: How does one distinguish between Uruguay and Paraguay? You could do it the geography-lesson way or you could just remember this: Uruguay has Diego Forlan and Paraguay has Roque Santa Cruz. Both are excellent creative forwards who haven't done so well in the Premier League. Santa Cruz has done better though.

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I'm wondering whether Marcus Tulio Tanaka is named after Marcus Tullio Cicero. Somehow, finding this out has become more important to me than watching the match. And MTT is such a swashbuckling samurai-looking fellow too. I bet he'd be good as a Japanese statesman some day.

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It's 0-0 at full-time. It is like watching jelly set. But with less anticipation.

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Note: Much later, it appears the Paraguayans won on penalties, 5-3. So much for the Asian contingent this year. Heh.

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Late update: Yes, he was named after Cicero. He has a Japanese-Brazilian father and an Italian-Brazilian mother! In fact, his full name is Marcus Túlio Amos Murzani Tanaka. Wow.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 18a)

Tonight is supposed to be the night on which Brazil qualify for the quarter-finals of the 2010 World Cup. However, Chile will be doing their best to carve out a slice of their own history by stopping them. In theory, this will be a much more entertaining clash than the crystallized boredom I sat through just a few hours ago. I hope.

And if I am still awake after this, I will tell you my dream about backpacking, black helicopters, and an odd sense of dislocation.

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At half-time, I've watched Brazil be that much better than Chile. Watching Gilberto Silva's long-range but unsuccessful strike in the 9th minute, I realise that Arsenal retirees might be better than Chelsea and Liverpool captains. Juan and Luis Fabiano have, of course, scored for Brazil, making it 2-0.

But random thoughts percolate through my mind; did Fabio Capello think that Glen Johnson would be the equivalent of Maicon? Did he think Ashley Cole would be able to take Maicon on? And that is just (literally) one side that I'm looking at.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 18)

Tonight we watch the Netherlands, a strong outsider (well, ranked in the Top Five) for the Cup, meet Slovakia. They are likely to do well, European team on European team. It's hard to call though. That Vladimir Weiss vs Arjen Robben duel will be interesting.

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It was as I was typing that that Robben scored in the 18th minute. Ho ho. Der Fliegende Holländer.

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It took an hour of the most boring football seen at this round so far, before the Dutch scored again via Sneijder. It looked as if the Slovak defence were trying to mark the long-substituted van Persie, and were confused because they couldn't figure out where he was. 2-0 to the Oranje. What on earth is Skrtel doing?

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And a last-minute soft penalty, converted by Vittek, makes it a 2-1 scoreline. Terribly boring. Leaden.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 17a)

After a humdinger of a match between Germany and England, in which I think justice was done for both 1966 and 2010, I have woken up from my inter-match nap to think about Argentina v Mexico.

I really can't decide who I want to win this. Which is a good thing, unlike my situation in the previous match. I think this time I will let the two teams do the talking with their feet. And I hope the refereeing and everything else is perfectly unbiased. Or equally biased, since humans are a biased lot.

Actually, I do have something to add. If Argentina win and it's Germany v Argentina in the next round, who would an England fan support if forced to do so? Tough one, that.

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At first, it seemed as if Mexico were better at both attack and defence. Then it all fell apart after Argentina scored a hotly disputed offside goal in the 26th minute and the Mexicans lost their heads and their concentration. Another goal was conceded shortly thereafter. I feel as if I'm writing an obituary, and it isn't even half-time.

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Well, now it is half-time. And some of the lads are having a go at each other outside the tunnel. Madness. This is upsetting. I'm not sure it's worth watching anymore. Sigh. I even see Diego 'Hand-of-God' Maradona trying to calm things down.

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Final score: 3-1 Argentina. Not totally deserved, but the result is right; the better team won. Much better show from Mexico than England though.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 17)

As a British citizen, born and raised in East Anglia, I have more right than many of my readers to be supporting England in their quest for glory at the 2010 World Cup. However, I must confess I feel a sense of extreme disquiet in having to support this particular team.

It is true that they are getting better, I suppose. It is also true that they are reasonably good performers. But I think that compared with the other footballers I've seen at this World Cup, they are paid about 5-7 times too much. I am quite sure that a certain player who earns about £140,000 a week should not be earning more than £20,000, and if people do want to pay him more, it shouldn't be much more than £30,000. At least, based on his performances thus far.

If I had to say who was England's best player so far, I'd have to say James Milner. And I'd have to agree with a friend of mine who said Aston Villa might have played better than England if they had to use only their England players.

In contrast, Germany. I can't say I've ever supported them. After all, if you grew up in England and in the presence of adults who seemed to always be talking about the previous world war with one wary eye on the next, you probably would be squeamish about supporting Germany (East or West, in those days) or Russia (the USSR, then) too.

But tonight, I think my extreme disquiet with the present underperforming, underentertaining, overpaid England side might just spill over into a sneaking sense of admiration for the Germans. And even, dare I say it, the desire that they win it.

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Germany went 2-0 up in the first half-hour with goals from Klose, then Podolski. The central defenders Terry and Upson appeared asleep. Upson, on the other hand, redeemed himself with a good header to score and make it 2-1. Lampard then scored. Or at least, it bounced into the goal and out again — and was not given! What a scandal! But I guess the English deserve it as karmic burden from Hurst's non-goal that was given in 1966. I shall laugh if that proves a critical difference.

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Thomas Müller scores two in five minutes. It's 4-1 for Germany! Haha, now England bring on Emile Heskey to save them. It's tragicomic. You have to feel for an England team which is now under the cosh of the universal dharma. And that's how it ends. And if England had had that second goal, it would have been 4-2, probably.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 16a)

Starry, starry night... tonight, the second match in the round of 16 sees the Black Stars of Ghana meet the White Stars of the USA. Let's hope it won't be a grey performance from these marvelously athletic sides!

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There's been a lot of running around so far, but since Kevin-Prince Boateng's successful strike on the American goal in the fifth minute, there hasn't been another critical moment. Ghana have looked more likely to get the job done, with about twice the number of attempts that the USA have made.

The Americans aren't the newbies or the enigmas that some people think of them as. However, they always play like amateurs. That has a positive side: they play cleverly and in a gentlemanly fashion; even their bad tackles are 'oops' moments rather than cynical ones. It also has a negative side (at least for the purpose of game-winning): sometimes you can see them getting carried away with the sheer pleasure of kicking the ball around.

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Ooh. The Americans displayed a lot more intent in the second half, resulting in a penalty after the hour when Clint Dempsey was brought down. Landon Donovan converted it.

Actually, the game should have been over long ago and the Americans should have won it. But we go into extra time now, locked at 1-1.

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Ghana draw first blood with a classic goal from Gyan. [Outside, I hear my cat yowling. Maybe he is having nightmares about lions or something. More likely, he is dreaming that he is a nightmare of a lion.]

In the second half of extra time, the commentator has a Yoda moment: "Score they must. Free-kick they have. Goal they need." [My cat yowls even louder, then wakes up. Or was that the other way round?]

And so the Black Stars win, having rediscovered their hunger in extra time. They'll meet Diego Forlan's Uruguay in the quarter-finals. That will be interesting; I think the two teams have very different styles and abilities.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 16)

Day 16 already? Uruguay are playing South Korea in the first round-of-16 match, and my visceral responses at half-time are a) after 5 minutes, I know that the Koreans are just slightly not as good as the Japanese when taking free kicks; b) after 10 minutes, I think that the Uruguayans are having it too easy; c) after 20 minutes, I think that they are all settling down for the second half.

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Yes, the Koreans were like a team possessed in the second half. And a cracker of an equalizer after an hour or so. From a free kick. Then Suarez popped up a second time and it was game over despite everything else. Not so bad, all round.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 15a)

At half-time, Spain are leading Chile by two goals to nil. I can't decide what's up with the Mexican referee. He seems fairly biased. By which I mean, he is biased in direct proportion to the misdemeanour level of each team. There is no doubt Chile are more violent and less good at the well-timed challenge, so the referee has been overpenalizing them accordingly — one man sent off and something like 16 free kicks against, but only two other yellow cards besides those that got the unfortunate Estrada to take the long walk.

Play has been mixed. Spain were noticeably bad at first, until David Villa's lovely long volley scored. Then they got better. Torres is still a passenger, but one who is drawing markers away. Chile look good, but they seem over-enthusiastic, leading to shots too high or long, and tackles too late or badly aimed.

Meanwhile, the other match is just that. Both teams seem only to be making up the numbers. The Swiss have seemed functional but not more; the Hondurans are... more interested in preventing the Swiss from advancing than playing for a win. Maybe it's all a Spanish conspiracy.

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And so, both Chile and Spain are through. Chile pulled one back. I have to say that Cesc Fabregas looks like an incipient midfield general for his country. He is much better at the one-touch stuff and setting his colleagues up for opportunities than the other talent on display. He is also very hard to keep track of — one doesn't know if he's tracked back as a defensive midfielder, surged forward into the hole, decided to pretend he's a winger, whatever.

There we have it. Brazil play Chile and Portugal play Spain. How very tasty...

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 15)

This will be an interesting evening. The Hermit Kingdom, boasting a national anthem called The Patriotic Song, will face Côte d'Ivoire, whose national anthem is the Song of Abidjan (which used to be their capital, the 4th largest Francophone city on earth, with a population of about 5,000,000). Only the Ivorians can qualify, but they'll need to beat the tough Patriotic Hermits by a large margin.

Meanwhile, I will probably spend a lot more time watching the other match, between Brazil and their former colonial masters, Portugal. The Portuguese have fond memories of Brazil and all the loot they got out of that great nation. The Brazilians pretend not to have any memories at all. I'll just note here that my not-so-distant ancestors came from the former Portuguese colony of Melaka.

Later on, Spain meet Chile (a similar story to Portugal-Brazil, historically), while Switzerland meet the Honduras. Basically, both Spain and Switzerland need to win. It is all too possible that Chile and Switzerland will qualify and Spain will be a third great European footballing nation to get dumped (unless the really unlikely has already happened and Portugal were dumped first).

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Well, even though Côte d'Ivoire is leading North Korea 2-0 at half-time, the 0-0 deadlock of Portugal (in red) and Brazil (in yellow) looks like letting both through to the next round. Unless we see more red and yellow. It's a vicious game. Or at the very least, full of ill-judged behaviour.

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Seven yellow cards and 24 fouls later... we're still waiting for a goal at Brazil-Portugal. It has just struck me that there's a very high chance of us seeing two matches between a Portuguese-speaking (Portaphone?) team and a Spanish-speaking one in the next round. The languages are basically regional dialects, but the Castilian hegemony won out (unless you ask a Catalan).

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Final scores 3-0 to the Ivorians and a deathly 0-0 at the 'Match of the Day'. Ha! So Brazil top the group, Portugal are second; it is likely we'll see Portugal play Chile and Brazil play Spain. If it's Brazil v Switzerland instead, I shall laugh my socks off.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 14a)

Why am I watching Cameroon v Netherlands and Denmark v Japan?

I really don't know. I suppose I just like the idea of incongruity. In Group E, the Netherlands have already qualified and Cameroon are already out. Probably, the Dutch will get to meet Slovakia, the Italy-slayers and runners-up in Group F. The Dutch national anthem is called The William after William the Silent (yes, irony), Prince of Orange; the Slovak national anthem is called Lightning over the Tatras (whaaaaat? yeah.) The Dutch national anthem was the first full-fledged (words + music) national anthem.

Meanwhile, two whaling nations clash in the murky waters. Whoever wins qualifies from Group E. There will be blood. Incidentally, the Japanese national anthem, Kimi ga yo, has the oldest words of all national anthems in the world; its words date back to the 9th century, although its musical arrangement is much more recent. It became the official national anthem of Japan only in 1869.

This one will be fun. The Danish national anthem has the superscription, "This corner of the earth smiles for me more than any other," in Latin. (Ille terrarum mihi praeter omnes angulus ridet.) You could translate that as, "This corner on the ground is smiling for me first." Watch for set pieces.

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Little did I know how prescient and yet wrong my last sentence was. The Japanese have obviously come up with a brilliant plan which converts one of their relative weaknesses to an improbable strength. The Danes are taller, but that obstructs their goalkeeper's vision. The hapless and unsighted Sorensen has fallen victim to TWO Japanese free-kicks — one in the left corner and one in the right corner, one over the wall and one around the wall. Danish free-kicks have been easily saved because the Japanese goalkeeper can see them coming.

Meanwhile, the Oranje have ground out a 1-0 lead over Cameroon at half-time. At this rate, the Netherlands will top the group (not unexpected) and the Japanese will be runners-up (also not unexpected, as they were ahead of the Danes on goal difference).

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At full-time, the Dutch have topped the group with a gritty 2-1 win over Cameroon, while the Japanese have conceded a penalty and yet run out 3-1 (penalty was saved, but Tomasson managed to score on the rebound) victors. I am a little disturbed by how much schadenfreude I felt at the sight of the Danes being totally outclassed by the nippy (oops, I mean quick and agile) Japanese who seemed to stick to the ball and play it so much better.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 14)

The order of the world is turning upside down as I watch Italy, the incumbent champions, 1-0 down against Slovakia. The Italian defence is like spaghetti; confusing, entangled, and porous. Meanwhile Paraguay are being held by the resolute All Blacks (normally in white, but not today).

I am happy when established orders are overturned. I hate conformity to the systems and patterns of the world.

Why? Is this some sort of post-adolescent rebellion? No. I think that to conform is to fail to assert one's God-given free will. If one chooses to surrender to the Divine, that is a deliberate choice. To allow oneself to succumb to whatever the world does is an accidental choice, a default of the will. One should resist. In fact, one should have debates even with God: Abraham and Moses did, as did many others. How else would one learn about the Divine?

And here, we watch Italy act as if the order of the world is pre-eminent above the active will of individual Slovaks fighting for qualification into the World Cup round of 16. Tsk tsk.

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I am happy to report at full-time that my dreams have come true. Italy has lost to Slovakia after the scoreline went 1-0, 2-0, 2-1, 3-1, 3-2. New Zealand has drawn 0-0 with Paraguay. These results leave Paraguay and Slovakia as the qualifiers from Group F. I am so glad to see both France and Italy out.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 13a)

It's half-time, as Germany battle it out with Ghana and Serbia grapple with Australia. No goals have been scored. To be honest, all four sides are looking nervy and lacking in assurance.

That puts me in mind of the steady compression of time. All the first 45 minutes of each of the two matches has done is force the action into the next 45 minutes or so. If things remain as they are until the very end, then Ghana will top the group and Germany will follow them. If Germany score a last-minute goal, then Ghana will be runner-up — unless somehow the other match has gone to 1-1. It is all very... fraught.

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Özil scored for Germany to set up a tense last few minutes. Serbia had to draw, and looked like it. Then Australia scored two, the Serbs pulled one back — and had an appeal against Tim Cahill for handball turned down. A handy man, that. 2-1 to the Socceroos, and both they and the Serbs fly home. Ghana scrapes through, and Germany top their group. Business as usual.

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In the next round, Germany will face England. This time, I think they will try the ground assault, not the air raid.