Whose World? What Cup? (Day 19a)

I have been waiting for this rematch since 7 June 1494. Actually, apart from obscure Asian historians, who had cause to worry about its provisions, and the Argentines, who once invoked it in the little matter of Los Malvinas (also known as the Falklands), not many others in recent centuries have thought of the great old treaty signed on that day.

For on 7 June 1494, slightly more than 516 years ago, Spain and Portugal divided the world between them. And tonight, in a very different way, they will battle for supremacy, with only one winner between them.

But apart from tonight's fracas and the linguistic legacy (mostly) of South America, let's face it: Portugal is no longer a world power of any sort. We might think of East Timor, Macao, and even if we were exceptionally historical in our literacy, Goa and Melaka — but hey, Portugal, not one of the great powers any more. And yet, the Portuguese did have an empire once.

I'm rooting for Spain, the more enduring imperial power of the two, tonight. But not because of political reasons — rather, I can't stand that talented but irritating Cristiano Ronaldo; I much prefer the many talents of Spain.

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To be honest, the Spain that I admire seems a lot less creative than Brazil, a lot less skilled than Argentina, a lot less coherent than Germany. They're not unpicking Portugal and have come very close to being completely undone by them. At half-time, the score is 0-0; while it's been a lot more exciting than the previous match, it's not been more productive.

I think I am about to join in the usual malaise of Spain-supporters: a kind of exuberant disappointment.

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It ended when David Villa scored (yet again) to make it 1-0. Then it petered out into the usual disinterested pottering around. The new striker Fernando Llorente looked distinctly bored but, trying hard to pretend that he was involved, could have scored twice more.

And so Spain remain, promising more joy, and possibly, more disappointment.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 15)

This will be an interesting evening. The Hermit Kingdom, boasting a national anthem called The Patriotic Song, will face Côte d'Ivoire, whose national anthem is the Song of Abidjan (which used to be their capital, the 4th largest Francophone city on earth, with a population of about 5,000,000). Only the Ivorians can qualify, but they'll need to beat the tough Patriotic Hermits by a large margin.

Meanwhile, I will probably spend a lot more time watching the other match, between Brazil and their former colonial masters, Portugal. The Portuguese have fond memories of Brazil and all the loot they got out of that great nation. The Brazilians pretend not to have any memories at all. I'll just note here that my not-so-distant ancestors came from the former Portuguese colony of Melaka.

Later on, Spain meet Chile (a similar story to Portugal-Brazil, historically), while Switzerland meet the Honduras. Basically, both Spain and Switzerland need to win. It is all too possible that Chile and Switzerland will qualify and Spain will be a third great European footballing nation to get dumped (unless the really unlikely has already happened and Portugal were dumped first).

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Well, even though Côte d'Ivoire is leading North Korea 2-0 at half-time, the 0-0 deadlock of Portugal (in red) and Brazil (in yellow) looks like letting both through to the next round. Unless we see more red and yellow. It's a vicious game. Or at the very least, full of ill-judged behaviour.

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Seven yellow cards and 24 fouls later... we're still waiting for a goal at Brazil-Portugal. It has just struck me that there's a very high chance of us seeing two matches between a Portuguese-speaking (Portaphone?) team and a Spanish-speaking one in the next round. The languages are basically regional dialects, but the Castilian hegemony won out (unless you ask a Catalan).

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Final scores 3-0 to the Ivorians and a deathly 0-0 at the 'Match of the Day'. Ha! So Brazil top the group, Portugal are second; it is likely we'll see Portugal play Chile and Brazil play Spain. If it's Brazil v Switzerland instead, I shall laugh my socks off.

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 11)

So I'm watching Portugal break fluidly, artistically all over the North Koreans (or DPRKs, as some might say). I don't think Portugal are THAT good, but they are good, and the North Koreans are somewhat unfortunate and not so good. The score on 66 minutes is 4-0 in Portugal's favour. The old empire-builders are showing the Hermit Kingdom what's what.

It sets up a thrilling encounter in the next round of group matches, as Portugal meet Brazil. Will the Old Empire beat the Great Colony? Will Cristiano Ronaldo get sent off? Stuff like that.

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Portugal ended the match 7-0 up. The Hermit Kingdom goes home in disarray; the Portuguese have thrown down the gauntlet to a Brazil side who are also improving with time. I am even more fired up for that match now!

Whose World? What Cup? (Day 05)

Having dealt with Slovenia and Slovakia in an earlier post, I found myself at a loss for clever commentary on the first match tonight: New Zealand meets Slovakia. Then I realised one thing: most people know about New Zealand, but few people realise that it is one of the most isolated places on Earth. The nearest continent to New Zealand is also the nearest major piece of land — Australia. The next nearest is Antarctica.

If you sailed eastward from New Zealand, you'd end up in Chile after a long stretch of empty sea in which you would cross the International Date Line. That's an interesting fact, considering that the Queen of England, Elizabeth II, is still New Zealand's Head of State. The sun still hardly sets on the British Empire, it seems.

New Zealand gets its name from one of the Dutch provinces, Zeeland. Those Dutch were everywhere in the bad old days — even New York used to be called New Amsterdam. Its Maori name is Aotearoa, 'The Land of the Long White Cloud'.

Also playing tonight are Côte d'Ivoire (officially) and Portugal. The Ivory Coast is so named for a long-gone ivory trade; since then, coffee and cocoa have dominated exports. Civilisation in the region has long flourished; evocative names like the Muslim Empire of Kong and the Agni Kingdom of Sanwi were trading with Timbuktu and other Sudanic powers even up to the late 19th and early 20th century.

Portugal, on the other hand, is the only remaining state in the Iberian Peninsula that hasn't become part of Spain (much to the envy of Catalans, Basques and other formerly independent peoples). The Portuguese retain their own language, approximately shared with their largest former colony, Brazil. It seems a long time since the Treaty of Tordesillas in which Portugal and Spain divided the entire globe between them.

Speaking of Brazil, they play against the Hermit Kingdom (or is that a Hermit Crab?) in the last match of the day. Sounds like fun.

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Well, two very entertaining draws there. New Zealand must be happy to have their 1-1 against Slovakia; I'm not sure who is happier between Côte d'Ivoire and Portugal at their 0-0 'blockbuster'. Probably Portugal: towards the end, the Ivorians looked really dangerous, compared to the rather soft-looking Portuguese.

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Hmmm. The Hermitage scored a consolation goal as the Samba netted twice. But the Hermitage was impressive. Generally stingy and very hardworking.