Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Boxes

'Twas the day after Christmas
And all through the home
Not one thing was stirring
Not even a Gnome

The alcohol glassware
Showed signs of hard use
The tree dark and leafy
Looked sort of chartreuse

So now came the horror
Shot through with despair
Of cleaning and tidying
The mess everywhere

What saved the mind
Of each sentient one
Was the idea of boxing —
Containerish fun

You get out the crates
And the baggies and boxes
And stash all the loot
The spare crackers and sockses

You bundle the stuff
In the back of your car
And drive down to where
The charitables are

And hey all that 'junk'
Which you first-world despise
Makes happiness elsewhere
At reas'nable price

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Thursday, December 06, 2012

Adventitious Carols 6: Jing Le Belles

jing le belles
jing le belles
jing le all the way
o what fun it is to pun
bilingually today-eh!

da sheng through the snow
on a one-horse ou pen sleigh
o'er the fields we go
mandarin all the wei..

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Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Adventitious Carols 5: Little Drama Boy

so they told me ka-ching-a-ching-ching
just for the matinee ka-ching-a-ching-ching
just get out there and act ka-ching-a-ching-ching
does not need skill or tact ka-ching-a-ching-ching
ching-a-ching-ching ching-a-ching-ching

mortified i am ka-ching-a-ching-ching
bad lines and bling

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Monday, December 03, 2012

Adventitious Carols 3: The Army and the Navy

the army and the navy
when they are both full blown
of all the branches up in the wood
the air force plays the clown

o the rising of the sun
and the setting of the moon
somewhere round christmas time
people wake up around noon

the army bears the title
the navy's all at sea
always looking down upon the wood
the air force up a tree

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Saturday, December 01, 2012

Adventitious Carols 1: Frustrated Snowman

frustrated snowman
is a real unhappy soul
with a snowball's chance
of a life in France
and two burning eyes of coal

frustrated snowman
is a cautionary tale
if you're made of snow
but you want to know
how to be alive and fail

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Friday, July 20, 2012

Woodpecker

It's probably true that some blogs are popular because of their narrow focus and deep examination of specific subjects. I must suppose that what I write is not attractive in that way.

One mode of writing I've seen a lot of, however, is the faintly elevated 'Oxbridge' form. Some of my family members write that way when provoked or being provocative. It is spiced with the kind of allusions that are meant for only those of the same crowd. This spice is in turn concealed by the assertion that anyone who's had a proper education, whether at such gleaming (oops, dreaming) spires or not, should appreciate such.

I don't know. To me it sometimes seems as if, having earnt their MAs or PhDs, such people are locked into a death struggle with the material, like two spent swimmers who do choke their art (haha). It has become too much of a defining influence.

At the same time, there is the tang of the arch and deliberately layered kind of irony and wit. This faint aromatic component is yet another in-crowd thing. It makes me itch, because it reminds me that I know enough to identify it, and thus must partake of some of the characteristics of that crowd.

Some days, it is like watching Wodehouse duke it out with Wilde, or Eastwood pull a gun on Torchwood under the malign influence of Wildwood. Ach, one must not take such things too seriously.

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Sunday, January 09, 2011

Transsubscription

If I'm not wrong, the term 'transsubscription' (single word, all lower-case letters) has not been defined before. I hereby define it as the footnoting of something which used to be (or ought to be) something else. Treat this post as an instance (or, if you like, which I am hoping not, an instantiation).

There has just occurred this conversation, in which two Old Ones (and one not so old) were engaged in interlocution with He Who Remains Unnamed. Here is the transcript (or transcription):
OO1: I am dining with some (younger) [entities] to whom you are apparently a mythic figure from ages past.

HWRU: [displays consternation] WHAT? How come?

OO1: Something to do with [life-transference specialist parasites]. I couldn't quite follow; it was abstruse. [pauses] Or [mystical] arts.

HWRU: What? [Life-transference specialist parasitism] and/or [mysticism]? How old are these younger [entities]?

OO1: I estimate about 10 [unspecified periods of time] younger. It is hard to tell nowadays. I feel antediluvian.

HWRU: Ten [upot] your junior? That would be a [cohort] from the [ages] after I left as a [minor servitor class entity] and before I arrived as a [major power]!

OO1: I don't think you [inflicted educational function upon] these...

HWRU: Hmm. My first [cohort] was about 10 [upot] after that — [date redacted].

OO1: No no your reputation has reached these mortals in other spheres.

HWRU: Goodness. Or the opposite.

OO1: The tones were as of journeymen speaking of a noted sage of old.

HWRU: Do I know any of these people? [grins]

OO1: I don't think so. But they know OF you as a Great Old One.

[redacted]

OO1: I was quite amused when your name was invoked spontaneously in the middle of conversation concerning creatures that go bump in the night.

NSOO: HWRU, in the Room of Staves at the College of Wyverns, people compare you to Dorian Gray.

OO2: Hahahaha! So, the Great [name redacted] has achieved immortal status akin to [name redacted]... Another one for the pantheon!

HWRU: Oh dear! Oh dear oh dear! I am undone! (Or at least, Unnamed.) [laughs out loud]
And thus endeth the transsubscription.

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Monday, July 26, 2010

Marriage and Casinos

It was the late, much-lamented Sir Alan Patrick Herbert, the last independent MP for Oxford University and extreme lateral thinker, who examined the definition of 'gaming transaction' and decided that marriage closely resembled a game of chance. His conclusion, therefore, was that the law should not assist people in settling their marital problems, since these proceeded from what in essence were wagers based on chance. He spent his latter years in Parliament agitating for the reform of divorce laws.

I will outline his argument from the humorous piece 'Is Marriage Lawful?', first published some time in the 1930s, and then quote his conclusion. Herbert begins with stating that "the common characteristic of every class of gaming transaction is this — that a person makes a sacrifice in the hope of receiving a benefit, but the reception of this benefit depends on the operation of chance and not upon the exercise of his own skill and judgment."

He then goes on to talk about racehorses and pronounces: "...the case of the prospective husband is ex hypothesi completely opposite. He is backing a horse that has never run before, or if his fancy be a widow, has never run over the same course in the same company. The form of a racehorse is public property, but the form of a bride is of necessity concealed."

His concluding argument went: "It follows that no experience, however extensive, is a certain guide, and no man's judgment, however profound, is in this department reliable. In all matrimonial transactions, therefore, the element of skill is negligible and the element of chance predominates. This brings all marriages into the category of gaming, and therefore I hold that the Court cannot according to law assist or relieve the victims of these arrangements, whether by way of restitution, separation, or divorce. Therefore it will be idle for married parties to bring their grievances before us, and in short, this Court will never sit again... any persons who want a divorce will be compelled in future to divorce themselves."

There will be many who read this and wonder if I espouse (ahem) Herbert's interesting legal philosophy on the institution of marriage. No, I am quite happy with the institution as it currently stands. But I was greatly amused when I first read his work decades ago, and continue to enjoy the products of that fertile and perspicacious imagination.

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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

The Humorous Manifold

I've spent many years on the Internet In that time I've come to realise that a lot of people don't distinguish between terms which are within the same area but otherwise completely different. These include pairs such as 'cynical' and 'skeptical', 'sardonic' and 'ironic', 'sarcastic' and 'witty'.

It turns out that the great Fowler, in the 1926 edition of his 'Modern English Usage', managed to produce a table which will be of great help to many of these people. I like this table because it classifies forms of humour by motive/aim, province, method/means and audience.

For example, he shows that cynicism has the motive/aim of self-justification in the province of morality, using the method/means of exposure of nakedness (as in the story of the Emperor's new clothes), with the intended audience being the respectable (or those who think they are).

On the other hand, he gives satire as having the motive/aim of amendment in the province of morals/manners, by the method/means of accentuation, with the intended audience being the self-satisfied.

All this appeals to my love of lists and interesting relationships. A lister by nature, a linker by trade, that's who I am.

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Alarums and Excursions

"Every sufficiently complex institution will produce sufficient paranoia and rumour-mongering to create an alternative reality of that institution that is at least the same size as the original." There, that's one of the laws I'm going to put in my book. The evidence is irrefutable that once an institution hits about 60 people or more, it is certain to be 'sufficiently complex'.

You thought I was joking, didn't you? Well, the old place has erupted once more with rumours that, quite possibly, originated at a higher level than before. Somebody who knows a lot is talking about changes in the principalities and powers, the dominions and authorities. Amazing.

Consider this scenario. Let's say that... I've been listening in on some of the discussions held in the little rooms behind the glass. Obviously, nobody thought to look for electronic aids when I left, so until the little batteries run out, the transcripts produced are an endless source of entertainment.

Now, if this were true, what should I do next? The answer is obvious. I should laugh a lot and wait until the principal actors retire. Then, like other people in official capacity who have stepped down, I should publish the real story.

But obviously, it would be paranoid to think that this scenario was true. I'm not that kind of person, contrary to what at least one young person suggested, after looking in the wrong direction.

Yet, listening to who-said-what-to-whom, there are days that I feel a vague desire to have been that kind of person. This is why you should be alert and keep evil at bay. The desire to 'do others before they do you', as Simon Templar once said, can be irresistible.

In the meantime, just sit back and watch the fun. Shakespeare was good at manufacturing this kind of scene. He normally gave the stage directions as 'alarums and excursions', followed by lots of cast movement.

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Traditional Jestice

It was the Hierophant who reminded me of the work of Stanley Milgram and Philip Zimbardo. The two men are (were, Milgram died in 1984) both New Yorkers, born in 1933 and schoolmates from an interesting era.

More relevantly, the two are (were) psychologists who examined the psychology behind the way the exercise of power corrupts authority. Authority by itself is a neutral given. It is conferred by position and status in human societies; the Greeks called it kratos, and that word is still in common English usage, as the suffixes -crat and -cracy. 'Aristocracy', for example, means 'the ruling authority of the highborn', while 'democracy' of course means 'the ruling authority of the population at large'.

I've posted several times about power, and I continue to believe that it comes in three forms: kratos, dünamis and bia. An English equivalent would be to call them 'authority', 'inspiring motivation' and 'coercive force'. It's not possible, as far as I can tell, for humans to use just one or two; all three tend to come in together eventually. This tripartite division of power is thus a somewhat common motif (and a problematic one) in human societies.

The problem really is that they undermine while magnifying each other. If you have authority, real authority, people would do things because they accept that authority. But one is often tempted to add the suasion of personal motivation and/or the application of force in order to get things done faster. One is often tempted to add titles and honours to one's resumé in order to justify one's use of superior physical or numerical force. And so on. The three thus tend to form an unholy constellation even when they start off pure and unsullied. This is what I mean by 'undermine' (in the sense of 'erode the moral and ethical basis of') and 'magnify' (in these sense of 'increase the perceived importance or necessity of').

Conventionally, the idea is that powers should be separated (e.g. 'Church and State', or 'Legislative, Executive and Judicial'). This separation of powers thus reduces the quantities of power (kratos, dünamis and bia) to manageable little pieces, thus preventing abuse. Or so the theory goes. The problem is that in many states, it's really not possible to separate the powers; power tends to agglomerate, to agglutinate, to clump together in big and dangerous masses which then go critical to everyone's confused dismay.

The solution really is therefore not so much that they should balance each other, but be balanced by something else. In old and historically messy countries like the United Kingdom, you have so many competing traditions that even the law draws upon at least three main strands (Anglo-Saxon, Roman and Hebrew) and many others. In some places, hierarchy is so dispersed that it's hard to know who is really boss, so everyone is (like some small states or autonomous entities). In some places, like Vatican City, everyone is an employee of a higher authority and that is supposed to diffuse power while concentrating it.

Different balancing solutions thus exist. But I think two of them tend to be more successful than most, based on their longevity and their ubiquity.

The first is tradition (although some might say it comes later than the other). The force of tradition tends to keep new powers from consolidating, and it tends to check uncultured power with a cultural authority of its own. Tradition alone cannot stop a Hitler or a Stalin or a Mao from abusing their authority and consolidating their power, but it can keep some things alive, and it can create a viable alternative, counterculture, or resistance. It hasn't always worked that way, but it keeps cropping up. Of course, 'bad' tradition can resist 'good' power; but power tends to corrupt anyway, so it doesn't remain good for long.

The second is humour (although some might say it comes first). The force of humour seems to sustain people even when power is being used on them. It is a common thread of humanity which by its nature ameliorates and alleviates the heaviness and awe of myth and tradition. It is the reason why rulers need jesters; rulers can't (don't, or won't) do self-criticism because to do so would be to undermine the effect of power (to which they must be beholden). A self-critical ruler, if such a creature exists, must subvert himself by laughing at himself; but in these times, such a ruler runs the risk of looking ridiculous — if he can laugh at himself, surely someone else can laugh at him.

I live in a state where to make jokes about judges (or to mock the Magistratum, haha) is to commit the offence of trivialising, scandalising, or undermining the judiciary. If you make a politician or judge look like a figure of fun, it is a problem for the Internal Security Act. After all, if you undermine the sources of power, doesn't it weaken the security of the realm? This key argument is what runs many states the way they're run. It is just that some states and institutions are better at hiding it than others.

The sad corollary to all of this is that almost all rulers can't actually have a real sense of humour. If they do, it is 'humour lite' or 'humour without slapstick' or some other dignified (and here I use the word in a similar way to 'gentrified' or 'bowdlerised') form of it. It is as if a ruler's humour is something from ancient philosophy, and not something which alleviates the gloom and ameliorates bitterness.

The good corollary to all of this is that power can be balanced by mechanical (or at least, procedural) means. If you enforce a rotation of authority, which itself cannot be undermined by authority (good luck there!) then rulers have a chance to recover their sense of humour and become human once more. Some other poor sap can have the job. You can also insert a professional subversion agency: a jester, or as Frank Herbert suggested, a 'Bureau of Sabotage'.

In the end, it boils down to this. An institution or a state cannot thrive morally, aesthetically or creatively unless power is subvertible. Humour, for this purpose, is more flexible and useful than tradition. If the king will not have a jester, he should be adjested. That way, jestice will be served.

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Monday, March 23, 2009

'Inspiration' (Part II): Psychobabbleon (And On, And On...)

As Trivandrum pointed out, the bowels of that ancient city and one-time Babylon of the West have vomited forth a great edict concerning what they used to do and now swear never to do again... indulging in bureaucratese. The reason that this particular piece was so inspirational to so many is that this great city was once the headquarters of the largest corporate dominion ever created by humans.

Oh, do not blame the Americans; they are but a young and benighted nation compared to that great Lion of the Sea!

Unfortunately, I have yet to think of a version for the education sector that won't be immediately recognizable as proceeding from the mouth of... urgh. Let us not think about it, but pray. I shall leave this as a stub for now.

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

'Inspiration' (Part I): Psychobabbleon

The following 'quotation' is from a very wise man I know. Let's call him 'Adobe'. Yes, he has appeared in these posts before, and he is an endless source of reassurance to me, although we don't have coffee as often as we ought to. Be prepared though; it is truly a wondrous and terrifying piece of prose.

In the overarching paradigm, prioritization should be on the mainsteaming of across-the-piece interface and blue-sky thinking to edge-fit, downstream, a level playing field where pooled resources and holistic governance may be an enabler of an early win direction of travel to facilitate the promulgation of good practice in putting a menu of options on the fast track. I iterate that we have the management capacity to go forward in a gateway review of core developments that would model rebaselining for a quick-hit, quick-win protocol that would procure the engagement of multi-agencies and municipalities networks in order to plot an exemplar of normalizing outcomes. We have a can-do culture with social contracts and capabilities which, with empowerment and contextual engagement, will leverage double devolution to embed a path-finding democratic mandate to benchmark proactive streams among practitioners and populace alike.

Well, I'm going to try to do better than this. Really. Meanwhile, are there any favoured catchphrases that any of you would like me to include in version 2.0?

Oh yes, and can anybody out there summarise this scintillating piece of prose in fewer than 20 words?

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Monday, March 09, 2009

Hilarity

My agent in place showed me the document. Like Sauron's Ring, it had been forged to confound the complacent Lords of the West and create dominion over the thinking races. I read through the whole thing.

There was little new. Since the original document had been forged and the original tapestries designed, nothing much had changed. It was as if the new regime was just parroting the masterwork of the old.

I found it amusing. I asked Mustache about it. He said, "Frankly, that is not within our purview. If a prince chooses to administer his city in such a way, that is up to him. He will not earn respect for it, but he will receive the award for his diligence."

This I found hilarious. And also a little sad.

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Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Academic Humour

Q. What do you call a student who copies another's work without citation and submits it as his own?

A. An entrepreneur.

Q. What do you call a teacher who copies another's work without citation and submits it as his own?

A. A head of department.

Q. What do you call an education officer who copies many people's work without citation and submits it as his own?

A. A principal.

Q. What do you call a student who cites somebody's work without reading it first?

A. A moron (well, that's what a certain biology teacher I know would say).

Q. What do you call a teacher who cites somebody's work without reading it first?

A. An educational researcher.

Q. What do you call an education officer who cites many people's works without reading them first?

A. Same principal, but higher on the superscale.

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Interesting Diseases

In all my life, I've enjoyed poring through reference books. After a while, reference books about the purely factual began to pall. I began to look at more interesting reference books, like Michael Newton's The Encyclopaedia of Cryptozoology and Diana Wynne Jones's A Tough Guide to Fantasyland. However, Jeff Vandermeer's The Thackery T Lambshead Pocket Guide To Eccentric & Discredited Diseases, with contributions from a stellar cast of inventive and awfully creative people, was the zenith of the genre.

I find that I cannot do better. But I have some humble contributions, which I've discovered over my years as a teacher.
  1. Markosis: the dulling of the senses that comes with too much immersion in grading procedures.
  2. Rudella: the redness that descends when one's hand holds a red pen and the white paper is covered with diseased writing and you just have to write comments about it.
  3. Orthoporosis: painfully obvious holes in a supposedly structured argumentative essay because there is no meat on the bones.
  4. Appendocytosis: creating addenda to your main argument because you used up your word limit writing nonsense and have to squeeze in the real stuff somewhere.
Maybe I should stop here. Heh.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Emergent Cognition

I remember not too long ago that I had a plan for providing young people with career awareness, career guidance and career counselling, in that order. The plan was so good that I was approached by a local education authority for permission to use it, and for me to conduct workshops in it.

Being a decent sort, I told them to consult my employers. I never heard anything more about the matter, until my portfolio was quietly scrapped and replaced by other stuff. The funny thing was that I then got something like fifty or more irate messages about how the institution was failing to provide all these three things in sufficient quantity and quality.

Of course, I tactfully deflected the originators of these messages with the equivalent of a polite 'no comment'. It so happened, however, that a few months later, I left the institution. Somebody dug up my old plan and made a lot of noise about how come it had not been implemented. Haha, what a joke!

Anyway, for those of you who study emergent phenomena, there's a very useful resource which seems to have sprung up. All credit to the jade-green sea-tiger!

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Secrets of Educational Success

I have to thank a person I don't know for a sudden flash of insight as to how educational success is attained. An article in Chessbase.com written by Lin Zhigen claims that there are seven possible 'secrets' to chess success.

In order of obtrusiveness (or something), he lists them as:
  1. Computers will solve everything.
  2. Maximise the opportunities for your opponents to make mistakes.
  3. Dress like a grandmaster and you will play like one.
  4. Use computers for analysis, especially of your own games.
  5. Team chemistry.
  6. Caffeine.
  7. Chinese chess.
And that list immediately leapt into my brain as the essential list of things that students should consider when trying to ace examinations.

Now we know why Asian scholars are so efficient once you get them into a good school (or any formal structure at all). They all use computers, hang around waiting for others to screw up, dress alike, analyse their performance, have odd social chemistry, drink tea (or coffee) in large amounts, and play chinese chess. Haha...

It makes me proud to share that inheritance.

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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Ideal Gas

I think my brain functions like a gas. The hotter it runs, the greater the concentration in memes per volumetric unit, the greater the intracranial pressure. Like a gas, it needs a pressure valve. This I know from the throbbing in the support structures around my skull.

At the same time, it is a very non-ideal gas. Its contents are not easy to compress. Its particles occupy space and deny it to other particles. It is not susceptible to simple equations of state. It drive me nuts. Then again, since this is my brain we're talking about, it must be driving itself nuts. It must be carrying out some sort of Carnot cycle.

But it is also the apparent source of my creativity and my ideation. It spawns ideas. It shuffles them around and synthesizes new ones. Just as the mens rea gives rise to the real, so the mens idea must give rise to the ideal. Haha.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Notes From A Battlefield 003

There is a cast of characters which you find in many 'entertainments' ostensibly with the theme of War. You might be watching Hogan's Heroes or Dad's Army or 'Allo, 'Allo and some of the stereotypes remain the same.

But the main theme is the use of humour as something which undermines the ridiculously authoritarian regimes under which the characters live out their hopeful existence. In Hogan's Heroes, the dastardly and incompetent Colonel Klink is continually being chivvied around with good humour by Colonel Hogan and his men, although he is the commandant of their POW camp. In Dad's Army, the infamous theme song lays out a determined resistance, despite the fact that the Home Guard platoon in the show would never have survived a German attack (or so they thought). And in 'Allo, 'Allo, the French just carry on making their living (or is that make their living carrying on?) around the café while the Germans attempt to loot everything and destroy their culture.

All that reminds us that despite the purges, shootings (and other live firing), and general chaos (or major, corporal or private chaos) which make muck of the countryside, those who resist may someday survive to make a better world. The wounds (as in the scouring of the Shire from Tolkien's Return of the King) may never really heal in the short term, but a new age may be around the corner. If there is still a king with all the powers, nature and instruments of true kingship, that new age may yet be blessed for all who live in it.

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