Elementary People 006: Carbon

Carbon atoms are born free, but everywhere, they are in chains — without which life would not exist. Carbon is the most important child of stellar fusion, the biggest landmark on the way to the dusty death of stars, from hydrogen to fusion-stable iron.

Carbon is the greatest social networker among the elements. Small and attractive, it forms strong bonds with co-workers. It is also more able to form attachments in different directions than most such atoms. Combining these two traits leads to a plethora of strong attachments, parts of networks that endure.

And carbon is relatively inert, tough, neutral. Whether a girl's best friend or not, carbon is reliable in its many forms, immune to caustic retort or acidic corrosion, only vulnerable to high-temperature flaming in the presence of oxygen and other oxidants.

Carbon is the spine of the CHON-SP group, those stalwarts of biological chemistry. Without carbon, they wouldn't know where to hang out; and without carbon, there'd be nothing to do once they got there.

Luncheon Meat

I have always enjoyed the terribly unhealthy (supposedly) treat that is crispy-fried luncheon meat. This universal food is known as Spam in much of the world, but the label Ma Ling resonates deeply in these parts, where it is served in food stalls throughout the island and soldiers go to war (or the simulation thereof) with cans of it in their full-packs.

The meat itself, in its relatively 'raw' form, appears in the form of a pink and homogenized (although not homogeneous) mass, slightly gelatinous and finely textured. The colour comes from the sodium nitrite used to keep it bacterium-free. It's a known fact that cooking meat that has been preserved with nitrites may produce carcinogenic chemicals called nitrosamines.

The important point then is that such meats (sausages, bacon, ham, and luncheon meat), which are already more-or-less chemically cooked by perfusion with sodium nitrite, should be eaten as they are. That is, if you want to avoid nitrosamines. When such meats are eaten without thermal cooking, they are perfectly safe. You can even eat frozen bacon. It may look raw, but the nitrites have killed all the germs.

However, you will not get to enjoy the intense and flavourful crispiness of luncheon meat or bacon fried in their own respective payloads of grease. The salty crunch when you bite into such a treat, releasing glutamates and other amino acid derivatives into your finely tuned taste-buds... ahhhh!

You can always combat the nitrosamines with a generous helping of fresh berries, you know.

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And in other news, yes, I have had to enable comment moderation so that I can track electronic spam and fry it. Sigh.

Curiously Incensed

It seems like a long time ago that I was doing research on medicines and drugs as part of a course I was teaching. I came across some interesting information on the origins of the word cannabis. All sources seem to agree that it was the Greeks who first used the word in the form kannabis but that it seems to be descended from or related to words such as the Assyrian qunubu, Hebrew qanneb and so on (transliterations vary).

All this seemed oddly familiar to me. The Sanskrit cana (and its derivatives) eventually became the English 'cane', and via hana-, became 'hemp'. It's also related to 'canvas', which was originally made from hemp. And right smack in the middle of the Book of Exodus, in Exodus 30:22-25, I came across this passage:

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Take the following fine spices: 500 shekels of liquid myrrh, half as much (that is, 250 shekels) of fragrant cinnamon, 250 shekels of fragrant cane, 500 shekels of cassia — all according to the sanctuary shekel — and a hin of olive oil. Make these into a sacred anointing oil, a fragrant blend, the work of a perfumer. It will be the sacred anointing oil.

The emphasized phrase 'fragrant cane' is the standard English translation of the Hebrew kaneh bosm. The King James Version substitutes 'calamus' instead, but I don't see how you can make incense from that.

Verses 30-33 of that chapter continue with:

"Anoint Aaron and his sons and consecrate them so they may serve me as priests. Say to the Israelites, 'This is to be my sacred anointing oil for the generations to come. Do not pour it on men's bodies and do not make any oil with the same formula. It is sacred, and you are to consider it sacred. Whoever makes perfume [or 'compounds material'] like it and whoever puts it on anyone other than a priest must be cut off from his people.' "

It sounds like an early instance of drug control by centralised authority. However, it should be noted that until the last century, the use of the plant Cannabis sativa was a widespread phenomenon. The plant is the second most nutritious crop after soya beans, and it grows almost anywhere, even in Siberia. Every part of the plant is useful as a food or material product. Of course, some have recreational uses for it too.

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Note: I do not endorse, and would actually caution against, the indiscriminate bodily intake of any kinds of pharmaceutical compounds without adequate medical controls or advice. This post should not be taken as an endorsement of consumption or overconsumption of intoxicating or hallucinogenic chemicals, whether they are phenylethylamine derivatives (including opiates and ergot derivatives), cannabinols or very small molecules such as ethanol.

The Dangers Of Being Organic

I think that everyone should be taught chemistry at least at high-school level. It would avoid a lot of the egregious crap that's been thrown around for the last few decades. (What?! He used the word 'crap'!)

Let's start with the basics. Type "define: organic" into your Google search box. You should get a whole bunch of definitions of the word 'organic'. Probably, you will get something like this in the first few hits:

• relating or belonging to the class of chemical compounds having a carbon basis; "hydrocarbons are organic compounds"
• being or relating to or derived from or having properties characteristic of living organisms; "organic life"; "organic growth"; "organic remains found in rock"
• involving or affecting physiology or bodily organs; "an organic disease"
• of or relating to foodstuff grown or raised without synthetic fertilizers or pesticides or hormones; "organic eggs"; "organic vegetables"; "organic chicken"
• simple and healthful and close to nature; "an organic lifestyle"
• constituent(a): constitutional in the structure of something (especially your physical makeup)

Do you see the problem?

It strikes me that one very obvious class of substances that is related to all these definitions is the class of substances that humans excrete. Yep, definitely organic and relating to foodstuff grown or raised without synthetic fertilizers.

But take the other direction of approach. Can you imagine eating 'inorganic chicken'? Or 'inorganic eggs'? It sounds like eating aluminium foil or manganese nodules. Like a von Neumann machine devouring resources to spawn more machines.

The truth is that the word 'organic' is now officially overused. One day, we'll teach organic chemistry and it will be all about using natural fertilizers, pesticides and/or hormones. Ho ho ho.

The Theobromine Schism

The difference between caffeine and theobromine is one small group of atoms, a carbon and three hydrogen atoms, dangling like lost teenagers off the quayside. Caffeine has three of these boundary-breaking groups, theobromine ('food of the gods') and theophylline ('leaf of the gods') have only two, the rest of the molecular corpus remaining the same. And that is the difference between energetic chaos and relaxed comfort.

Two heaped tablespoons (that's perhaps four level tbsp if you're like me) of fine chocolate (Godiva, or failing which, Ghirardelli - which I find a little too sweet) should be gently transferred to a ceramic mug and stirred dry to ensure the powder is loose and does not clump. Stir in two light tablespoons of cold low-fat milk, whisking until it seems homogeneous (but of course, is not). The mixture should be a deep glossy brown in colour, and slightly frothy in texture, filling only the bottom one-fifth (or less, if you're greedy) of the mug. Very slowly, add a little warm milk and a lot more hot water until the mug is full. The froth should survive to the bittersweet end. Sugar should not be added at all. At all.

And thus can the determined heretic escape the strictures of orthodox caffeinism, cleave from his extra methylation, and reach a more rarified plane of existence.