GNOME

Whenever I'm stealing snow
I go around it in the flow
Displacement stays important to me
Wherever I may choose to go...
I always blame serendipity
For what washes up on shore
But ice-reaver gnomes are born to strife
And the greed of collecting more!

Chorus:
We are gnomes truly, pointy-eared and drooly,
With a red nose shiny, and our liver always glows!
We are gnomes surly, as the censors tell me;
Each of us says he's not a clone,
But looks so much like other gnomes...

When there is rubble to blow through
We can plant explosives too,
There are mushrooms in the larder
And we have toadstools in the loo.
We have gilded seams of leather
Just like we've done before
As the carpenters and shoemakers realise
We gnomes are beyond the law.

Chorus:
We are gnomes truly, pointy-eared and drooly,
With a red nose shiny, and our liver always glows!
We are gnomes surly, as the censors tell me;
Each of us says he's not a clone,
But looks so much like other gnomes...

(With apologies to my fourth cousin once removed.)

Cautionary Verses (Part III)

If you must take to coffee,
Just do it with a smile;
You'll feel the jitters coming,
Just stop and rest a while.
With shuddering and creaking,
Your engine starts to shake:
Just grin a lot and bear it
As your body comes awake.

If you are hooked on caffeine
(A normal human state)
Remember that the bitter
Is often sweeter late.
Your mind will last far longer,
Your heart will never break;
Just grin a lot and bear it
As your body comes awake.

Cautionary Verses (Part II)

If you must fly the wyvern
In blue and gold and red
Remember what your mother
For many years has said:
Beware the two-faced other thing
That looks both east and west;
Do not trust whatever speaks
As an unwelcome guest.

If undaunted you will be
And bear a hero's name,
Remember how your father
Won his undying fame:
Guarded ears and opened eyes
And kept alert at rest;
Did not trust the honeyed words
Of the unwelcome guest.

Cautionary Verses (Part I)

If you wake up at midnight,
And hear a horse's feet,
Don't go drawing back the blinds,
Nor looking in the street.
Them that do ask no questions
Will never hear a lie;
So watch the wall, my darling,
When the gentlemen go by.

For five and twenty ponies
Are trotting through the dark
With brandy for the parson,
Tobacco for the clerk,
With laces for the ladies
And letters for a spy;
So watch the wall, my darling,
When the gentlemen go by.