Boxes

'Twas the day after Christmas
And all through the home
Not one thing was stirring
Not even a Gnome

The alcohol glassware
Showed signs of hard use
The tree dark and leafy
Looked sort of chartreuse

So now came the horror
Shot through with despair
Of cleaning and tidying
The mess everywhere

What saved the mind
Of each sentient one
Was the idea of boxing —
Containerish fun

You get out the crates
And the baggies and boxes
And stash all the loot
The spare crackers and sockses

You bundle the stuff
In the back of your car
And drive down to where
The charitables are

And hey all that 'junk'
Which you first-world despise
Makes happiness elsewhere
At reas'nable price

Adventitious Carols 6: Jing Le Belles

jing le belles
jing le belles
jing le all the way
o what fun it is to pun
bilingually today-eh!

da sheng through the snow
on a one-horse ou pen sleigh
o'er the fields we go
mandarin all the wei..

Adventitious Carols 5: Little Drama Boy

so they told me ka-ching-a-ching-ching
just for the matinee ka-ching-a-ching-ching
just get out there and act ka-ching-a-ching-ching
does not need skill or tact ka-ching-a-ching-ching
ching-a-ching-ching ching-a-ching-ching

mortified i am ka-ching-a-ching-ching
bad lines and bling

Adventitious Carols 4: Wee Streakings

wee streakings upon toilet wall
bearing grease and things that appall
filthy fountains
smelly mountains
best not be born in a stall

Adventitious Carols 3: The Army and the Navy

the army and the navy
when they are both full blown
of all the branches up in the wood
the air force plays the clown

o the rising of the sun
and the setting of the moon
somewhere round christmas time
people wake up around noon

the army bears the title
the navy's all at sea
always looking down upon the wood
the air force up a tree

Adventitious Carols 2: O Little Town

o little town of santa's claw
how stale we see delight
thou buildeth tall
the sky-high wall
against the fall of night

still in thy dark sleep shineth
the evanescent sight
of happiness, prosperity
and progress all despite

Adventitious Carols 1: Frustrated Snowman

frustrated snowman
is a real unhappy soul
with a snowball's chance
of a life in France
and two burning eyes of coal

frustrated snowman
is a cautionary tale
if you're made of snow
but you want to know
how to be alive and fail