Freedom's Call: The Year In Review
I think what sums up this year the most, in terms of life changes and processes, is that for the first time in a long while, I have been a free agent. In the past, like a good Party member, I had to toe the party line to some extent. Sanctions were available, as in the old Politburo, such as demotion, public denunciation, bonus reduction, having one's privileges withheld, and so on. I suffered all of these things, despite the fact that there was no objective reason for any of them.
Then in March, I was freed of all obligations to keep my mouth shut and my eyes closed.
The effect on me was almost intoxicating. For once, I could earn fair market value for my work and do untrammelled (well, less-trammelled) research on what made the education system really tick (or tock). From an approximate rate of a dollar per educational man-hour (a bit more than $30 to teach a class of almost 30 students for an hour), the valuation of my time rose to giddy heights. I was not aware I was worth so much on the open market!
Better than that, I was now free to eat wherever I wanted at any time I wanted. This is no small privilege; there are some companies that won't let their staff go out for lunch because they don't see why adults should be treated like adults. I used to have to sign out at the office if I wanted to take a walk across the road; I suddenly found myself able to walk like a free man.
I became a lot more productive in unexpected ways, and I learnt a lot more; I finally found the time to do things like write poetry and make things with my hands. I listened to more music, did more work, served as a writer and consultant, made information freely available to others, advised people who wanted advice. I read huge chunks of the Bible twice over, in two versions; I cleared a stack of long-abandoned reading. I started teaching Literature.
I began to make time for old friends and colleagues, to talk, to stay up late at night, to chat and have happy meals (no, not the mass-produced Golden Arches kind). I developed a finer sense for wine and cheese. I found a greater appreciation for my juniors and their lives; although I saw a lot less of my former students, I remembered a lot more. I realised that lurking in me was a deep spirit of gratitude for what I had learnt from each one of them.
The funny thing was that these people (bless their hearts!) made time for me too! I had lots of good moments, some of intense madness, some really sweet, and all memorable. I found that I missed people like Trivandrum and Wolfberry a lot more than I thought I would; I found myself missing the classes I taught for all of three months before I had to abandon them. I was consoled by the company of those who stayed around, and I watched in concern as they went through the trial of examinations.
Then I made contact with some of my students from the time I used to teach in a convent. Goodness! Some of these young ladies are now mothers (and in some cases, twice or three times over!) and yet they still seem not to have changed much. They are all as pleasant as ever, but with the edge that comes from time and the grind of working life.
In September, I got myself a driving license. Haha, a lot of you will laugh that this seemed to be such a major achievement to me. Well, let me just remind you that the counter clerk looked up from my application filing to say, "Sir, your last driving test was before I was born!" That's life, I guess.
I got a lot fitter. I started taking five-mile walks again. I remember dancing for 3 hours one night in Thailand. That was a really odd thing to do, since it was out in the open, on a warm tropical night. The sea-breeze helped a lot. I got a bit dehydrated, but the seaside massage the next day compensated a lot for it. Somehow, there are fewer things in life finer than desiccating by the beach with a mild sun and a cool breeze and air that doesn't smell of rotting fish.
This year has been one of renewal. Sometimes, when you come up for air, you realise that you have been running on the last bubbles of oxygen for too long in the sewer-pit of life. I have never had such a sense of rejuvenation. I thank God for it, and I can only hope that 2009 will be more of the same.
Then in March, I was freed of all obligations to keep my mouth shut and my eyes closed.
The effect on me was almost intoxicating. For once, I could earn fair market value for my work and do untrammelled (well, less-trammelled) research on what made the education system really tick (or tock). From an approximate rate of a dollar per educational man-hour (a bit more than $30 to teach a class of almost 30 students for an hour), the valuation of my time rose to giddy heights. I was not aware I was worth so much on the open market!
Better than that, I was now free to eat wherever I wanted at any time I wanted. This is no small privilege; there are some companies that won't let their staff go out for lunch because they don't see why adults should be treated like adults. I used to have to sign out at the office if I wanted to take a walk across the road; I suddenly found myself able to walk like a free man.
I became a lot more productive in unexpected ways, and I learnt a lot more; I finally found the time to do things like write poetry and make things with my hands. I listened to more music, did more work, served as a writer and consultant, made information freely available to others, advised people who wanted advice. I read huge chunks of the Bible twice over, in two versions; I cleared a stack of long-abandoned reading. I started teaching Literature.
I began to make time for old friends and colleagues, to talk, to stay up late at night, to chat and have happy meals (no, not the mass-produced Golden Arches kind). I developed a finer sense for wine and cheese. I found a greater appreciation for my juniors and their lives; although I saw a lot less of my former students, I remembered a lot more. I realised that lurking in me was a deep spirit of gratitude for what I had learnt from each one of them.
The funny thing was that these people (bless their hearts!) made time for me too! I had lots of good moments, some of intense madness, some really sweet, and all memorable. I found that I missed people like Trivandrum and Wolfberry a lot more than I thought I would; I found myself missing the classes I taught for all of three months before I had to abandon them. I was consoled by the company of those who stayed around, and I watched in concern as they went through the trial of examinations.
Then I made contact with some of my students from the time I used to teach in a convent. Goodness! Some of these young ladies are now mothers (and in some cases, twice or three times over!) and yet they still seem not to have changed much. They are all as pleasant as ever, but with the edge that comes from time and the grind of working life.
In September, I got myself a driving license. Haha, a lot of you will laugh that this seemed to be such a major achievement to me. Well, let me just remind you that the counter clerk looked up from my application filing to say, "Sir, your last driving test was before I was born!" That's life, I guess.
I got a lot fitter. I started taking five-mile walks again. I remember dancing for 3 hours one night in Thailand. That was a really odd thing to do, since it was out in the open, on a warm tropical night. The sea-breeze helped a lot. I got a bit dehydrated, but the seaside massage the next day compensated a lot for it. Somehow, there are fewer things in life finer than desiccating by the beach with a mild sun and a cool breeze and air that doesn't smell of rotting fish.
This year has been one of renewal. Sometimes, when you come up for air, you realise that you have been running on the last bubbles of oxygen for too long in the sewer-pit of life. I have never had such a sense of rejuvenation. I thank God for it, and I can only hope that 2009 will be more of the same.
Labels: Life, Remembrance, Thanksgiving
etched with acid at 11:43:00 am
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