Caffeinism
Principles of Caffeinism
From the Ground you come, and to the Ground you will return.
Basic Principles
1. The Bean is One, and Many.
2. The Manifestation of the Bean is most often through the Ground.
3. The Excrescence of the Ground contains the Essence, which inspires the Mind, stirs the Heart, and brings Life to the Body of the Consumer.
4. The Essence is dispersed, and the Bean is consumed, but the Consumer will return.
Pure Forms
1. Espresso: The concentrate (or consecrate) Excrescence of the Ground, which is closest to the Bean; it is produced by the mediation of the Steam, which courses through the Ground and emits the Essence after a specific Time and at a specific Temperature.
2. Americano: The watered Excrescence of the Ground; it is born in Steam and diluted with Water, giving a weaker Flavour and a longer Finish. It originates from the Heathen, who although possessing Power, have little Taste, and no Strategy for making an Exit.
3. The Turkish Heresy: It does not divide the Ground from the Essence, but mingles the two and requires the Discernment of the Consumer to separate them. In that Respect, it resembles its Origin, always unsure of its Place between Asia and Europe.
4. The Question of Sugar: Only the impure of Heart are drawn to Thoughts of Sugar; the addition of the Colourless Crystals adulterates the Essence and weakens the Heart; yet, it is true that the Colour remains the same—even if Brown Crystals (oh, the Impurity of it all!) are used.
Examples of Heterodoxy
1. Con Panna: With a minor Head Adornment of whipped Cream; this Perversion is equivalent to the Practice of Gilding the Lily in Art; that is to say, adorning that which by its very Nature needs no Adornment. It might very well in this Respect, require Atonement instead.
2. Macchiato: With steamed Milk and diluted with Water; a kind of mixed Baptism is involved that confounds the Substance and weakens its Power. There are few things worse, and yet, a Starving Man will eat Anything.
3. Cappucino: With its Rituals of major Head Adornment with Cream and yet more Adornment with Shavings of Chocolate and immersion in Milk, it is a wonder that Cappucinists do not also sing while they drink or bow down to Cows.
4. Mexicano: This is true Paganism, involving a Foundation of Chocolate (that great rival of the Bean) and Head Adornment of Cream and also Shavings of Cinnamon Bark; one might as well not be partaking of the Bean at all.
We who live to serve, live to serve Coffee. We who serve Coffee, serve a higher calling. We are not Tea People.
Further Reading: A Coffee Meditation
From the Ground you come, and to the Ground you will return.
Basic Principles
1. The Bean is One, and Many.
2. The Manifestation of the Bean is most often through the Ground.
3. The Excrescence of the Ground contains the Essence, which inspires the Mind, stirs the Heart, and brings Life to the Body of the Consumer.
4. The Essence is dispersed, and the Bean is consumed, but the Consumer will return.
Pure Forms
1. Espresso: The concentrate (or consecrate) Excrescence of the Ground, which is closest to the Bean; it is produced by the mediation of the Steam, which courses through the Ground and emits the Essence after a specific Time and at a specific Temperature.
2. Americano: The watered Excrescence of the Ground; it is born in Steam and diluted with Water, giving a weaker Flavour and a longer Finish. It originates from the Heathen, who although possessing Power, have little Taste, and no Strategy for making an Exit.
3. The Turkish Heresy: It does not divide the Ground from the Essence, but mingles the two and requires the Discernment of the Consumer to separate them. In that Respect, it resembles its Origin, always unsure of its Place between Asia and Europe.
4. The Question of Sugar: Only the impure of Heart are drawn to Thoughts of Sugar; the addition of the Colourless Crystals adulterates the Essence and weakens the Heart; yet, it is true that the Colour remains the same—even if Brown Crystals (oh, the Impurity of it all!) are used.
Examples of Heterodoxy
1. Con Panna: With a minor Head Adornment of whipped Cream; this Perversion is equivalent to the Practice of Gilding the Lily in Art; that is to say, adorning that which by its very Nature needs no Adornment. It might very well in this Respect, require Atonement instead.
2. Macchiato: With steamed Milk and diluted with Water; a kind of mixed Baptism is involved that confounds the Substance and weakens its Power. There are few things worse, and yet, a Starving Man will eat Anything.
3. Cappucino: With its Rituals of major Head Adornment with Cream and yet more Adornment with Shavings of Chocolate and immersion in Milk, it is a wonder that Cappucinists do not also sing while they drink or bow down to Cows.
4. Mexicano: This is true Paganism, involving a Foundation of Chocolate (that great rival of the Bean) and Head Adornment of Cream and also Shavings of Cinnamon Bark; one might as well not be partaking of the Bean at all.
We who live to serve, live to serve Coffee. We who serve Coffee, serve a higher calling. We are not Tea People.
Further Reading: A Coffee Meditation
etched with acid at 4:57:00 pm
8 Comments:
Don't you have anything to say about an honest cup of kopi?
sir! did you actually come up with this yourself? ... anyway, i'm a tea person =)
Herr Fascist, an Honest Cup of Kopi-o Kosong is an Americano made by Bag Filtration and adulterated but interesting Ground. A Kopi-o has Sugar in it. Shudder.
Madchenn, this is an Original. And you are sometimes too a Not-Tea Person. Read it aloud. Never mind, I am always kindly disposed towards you.
I used to drink tea...I still drink tea occasionally, but I now I find it amazingly weak. In the days of sec 1 when the SAC still had a chess set (and hence regular chess games), tea was the game's companion.
I guess I'm a heretic, because I used to buy that canned Nescafe latte stuff daily. It most likely had sugar in it. I'm not a coffee scientist so I have no idea what it is classified as.
Both tea and coffee are fine by me, pure and impure. Though obviously you would frown on my copious sugar and milk consumption..
madchenn? somehow that sounds suspiciously like something so i'm hoping i totally misunderstood..
Well if one is already so hostile to coffee with sugar and milk with it, I wonder what the reaction to bubble coffee would be.
I suppose a 3-in-1 instant coffee would be a modern Charismatic movement?
Post a Comment
<< Home